Saul the Narcissist
Category: Integrity & Godly Character
Key Passage: 1 Samuel 31
Speaker: Paul Chisgar
Date: August 15, 2023
First Samuel, chapter number 31, if you would please. This is our twelfth Wednesday night on the life of David. You really just have a hard time going through the life of David without taking at least one time and talking about Saul.
Just got to focus on Saul a little bit tonight as we’re going through this, and really we’ll get back to where we’ve basically been going through First Samuel in the life of David. But I’m going to jump ahead a little bit. We’ll be back over. We’re in chapter, I think it’s 22. We’ll be back there in a little bit. But I’m going to jump ahead to the end of Saul’s life. Okay, we’re just going to read a couple of verses about that, how it ended.
I’ll mention a word about it and pray, then we’ll jump back to where we’re at chronologically going through the life of David. Okay, so just you know what’s going on. A little jumping around at the beginning. No speaking in tongues, but just jumping around, all right, now, just for a little bit.
I’m going to use this term. The world uses it and psychologists use whatnot. I don’t know that I know everything about the term, but I’m sure you’ve heard it and you know some about it. We’re going to title it tonight, “Saul the Narcissist.” Saul the Narcissist. We’re going to kind of look at the end of his life briefly. Then we’re going to go back to the passage we’re coming to in First Samuel. It seems like just a great snapshot of Saul towards the end here; it just was all about himself. We’ll look at it and just kind of study through it a little bit tonight and ask the Lord to use it in your life to grow you in dealings with people and situations.
We’re going to look at the end of Saul’s life. 1 Samuel chapter number 31, all right? That’s what we’re at.
Now the Philistines fought against Israel, and the men of Israel fled from before the Philistines and fell down slain in Mount Gilboa. What a sad thing. God’s people losing. The Philistines followed hard upon Saul and upon his sons. The Philistines slew Jonathan and Abinadab and Mahishua, Saul’s sons. Sad thing, all of Israel fleeing, getting killed, and now the king’s sons are killed.
The battle went sore against Saul, and the archers hit him, and he was sore wounded by the archers. Then said Saul unto his armor-bearer, “Draw thy sword, and thrust me through therewith, lest these uncircumcised come and thrust me through and abuse me.” But his armor-bearer would not, for he was sore afraid.
Can I just stop and say a word? The reason why he didn’t do that wasn’t out of loyalty per se; it was out of fear. He tells us that, for he was so afraid. Therefore, Saul took a sword and fell upon it. When his armor-bearer saw that Saul was dead, he fell likewise upon his sword and died with him. We don’t know his motive for doing that. We just know he fell upon his sword also after Saul did that and he died with him.
So Saul died and his three sons and his armor-bearer and all his men that same day together. What a sad ending of a king of Israel’s life. He was killed in battle and really ended up falling upon the sword himself, not only him, but his armor-bearer. His sons were killed. What a sad ending.
It was very interesting how he worded that. I don’t know how many died that day, but it says, “and all his men.” I take that maybe it was kind of like his bodyguard, his close men; I’m not sure. But a whole lot of the children of Israel died that day. Just a sad ending. It could have been so different when God anointed Saul king. It could have been a peaceful death, glorious when Israel was in his prime. But just a sad death for the whole nation, God’s people.
Can you imagine how the enemy nations, the Philistines—they were the Baal worshippers and the goddess worshippers and all these—imagine how Jehovah’s testimony, God’s testimony, was hindered. Such a sad ending in so many different ways. I wonder how many people did not trust in Jehovah because of the ending.
Let’s jump back here in just a moment and look at how it led up to this sad ending and what Saul was like.
If you look back to chapter number 22, let’s just go back, chapter 22. We’re going to try to get a little grasp of what Saul was like. Last week we left off with verse 5. So we’re going to pick it up in verse number 6. Chapter 22, verse number 6.
When Saul heard that David was discovered. Remember, God had sent the preacher at Gad, said, “No, you need to leave out of the hiding place,” looks like there in Moab, and go to Judah and hide out over there. And when Saul heard that David was discovered, and the men that were with him—now Saul abode in Gibeah under a tree in Ramah, having his spear in his hand. They say sometimes those kings back in that day and time, instead of having a scepter, they would just have their spear kind of like a scepter. And he has that, but this is what I want you to notice here, the last part: “And all his servants were standing about him.”
Now, won’t you just kind of visualize that? Saul had all—not a few of them, but all his servants standing around. The Bible tells us that for a reason. I’m just trying to take some of the verses, just kind of get a little snapshot of what Saul was like. Saul was right in the middle. He was the center. Everything was focused on him.
I’ve used that term narcissism, narcissistic; I have to use it. I’m not an expert on all that, but if I understand it right, it’s someone that’s just everything’s about them. Everything goes back to them. Saul made sure everyone was around him. He had to be the center of it all. It seemed like maybe it would have been good for some servants to be out doing this or that, scouting out or helping Israel do something, but all his servants were right around him. He was right the center. And you don’t want to be there; I don’t want to be there. But this person, the world calls him narcissistic; it’s just everything centers around them—how they look, and how does this situation, how do you make them look? And it’s just always about them. It’s how is everyone treating them? What is everyone doing for them? What is everyone not doing for them? Everything centers around them.
And Saul here seems to fit the bill just perfectly because he’s got all his servants gathered around him, and no one helping others and serving others and doing for others. It’s just all centered on him.
Let’s pull out a couple of the things here. Let’s jump down to verse number 7, if you would please. Verse number 7. Then Saul said unto his servants that stood about him—there it is again—“Hear now, ye Benjamites; will the son of Jesse, that’s David, give every one of you fields and vineyards, and make you all captains of thousands and captains of hundreds? That all of you have conspired against me?”
Can I just time out for a second there? There are no facts here. It’s not true. We weren’t conspiring against Saul. Maybe he could gain that attack, touch from the men that had gathered around David. If you jump back up in verse number 2, it tells us a little bit about these 400 men that had come to David. Verse number 2: “And everyone that was in distress, and everyone that was in debt, and everyone that was discontented”—now maybe they had to do, they were discontented with Saul and the kingdom a little bit—gathered themselves unto him, and he became a captain over them, and they were with him about 400 men. David, David never one time lifted his hand against Saul, and we’ll study it later on. He had opportunity to kill Saul more than once; he never did.
But here, verse number 8: “That all of you conspired against me? And there’s none that showeth me that my son has made a league with the son of Jesse?” Yes, he had made a love covenant, a brotherhood covenant, if you would, made a league with the son of Jesse. “And there’s none of you that is sorry for me and showeth unto me that my son has stirred up my servant against me to lie in wait as it is this day.”
Here’s the thing: for someone that fits the bill of this category, truth is out the window. They’re not focused on truth. They’re always exaggerating; they’re always twisting truth. They always seem to change it around a little bit so it allows them to get what they want. Saul had no grounds for saying that David wasn’t coming against him. David wasn’t trying to kill him. Saul here, we’ll talk about it, was just a master manipulator in this thing.
Here’s something else very often true of this type of person: they’re always a victim. Always a victim. Did you notice that in verse number 8 right there? In verse number 8, we just read it, “that all of you have conspired against me,” poor old Saul, the victim here—“and there’s none that showeth me that my son hath made a league with the son of Jesse,” and “there’s none of you that is sorry for me.”
A little bit later on, verse number 13: “And Saul said unto him, Why have ye conspired against me, thou and the son of Jesse, and that thou hast given him bread and a sword and hast inquired of God for him, that he should rise against me to lie in wait as it is this day?” They want sympathy. They always are the victim. Always. They’re always talking about how bad they have it and how awful it is and who’s doing them wrong and why they have it worse than everybody else. They weren’t treated right. They have it so bad, and just always a victim. They have the victim mentality. No matter how many people they’re hurting and how many people they’re doing wrong, it’s always them that’s treated wrong.
Saul is just turning to saying where he’s trying to look like the victim to them, all they’ve been through. You hear these statements so much, and they’ll always find some way to be the victim. Often they’ll find somewhere that they can kind of twist the blame onto them, and of course, that’s what Saul is doing to David. He tried to twist it and put the blame on David here.
But always a victim, always a victim. Saul’s trying to be the victim here. I mentioned this already, but they’re a master at spinning things. They’re very manipulative to get what they want. Saul is putting a spin on this thing, and they’re good at twisting the truth to get what they want. It’s amazing if you’re not careful, you can be in the midst of a situation with someone like this, and you haven’t done anything wrong, but before you leave, they’ll make you feel bad when you haven’t done anything wrong, and you’ll feel like this poor soul, and you need some discernment from God to see through this thing and to find out, “Wait a second, they’re always finding someone else to blame.” Discernment is such a key thing. God gives them some discernment to see these things. I’m not saying I’m there, but we need that in dealing with these situations, these types of people.
Look at verse number 8. Just something else very interesting here. Look in verse number 8. There’s a little line in it: “that all of you have conspired against me.” Poor old Saul, the victim here. See, that’s very typical. “And there’s none that showeth me that my son hath made a league with the son of Jesse.” That league was no harm to Saul. “And there’s none of you that is sorry for me.” Oh, they want sympathy. Won’t everybody just feel sorry for them? “Or showeth unto me that my son has stirred up my servant against me.” It’s very interesting. He can’t even call him David; he’s “my servant” against me.
Here it is. Here’s what I want you to know: “to lie in wait as it is this day.” Now, here’s the amazing thing: Saul is the one that’s lying in wait every time he can to get David. He’s just waiting for the moment; he’s just trying to get him. And very typical, often they’ll blame the other person for the very thing they’re doing. That’s exactly what Saul is doing. Saul is the one laying in wait, but now he’s twisting it where everybody says, “Hey, this guy’s lying in wait to get me.” But David was hiding from the guy. I mean, David wasn’t lying awake to get him. David’s trying to protect his neck, man; you know, he doesn’t want to get killed. Very typical. And so often someone that will accuse of this, it’s amazing. Sometimes later on you’ll find out they’ve got a major problem with that in their life. See?
But they’re masters at spinning it and accusing everyone else of the thing that they are doing. They’re just masters at turning the table on you and on others. They’re good at twisting the truth. They make the other person feel bad when the other person hadn’t done anything wrong. And it just becomes all about them, right?
Here was kind of the scene of Saul and his men hanging out there in Ramah, all the servants gathered around him. But we’re going to shift in the story a little bit. We can read a couple of verses. Look in verse number 9. Verse number 9 here: “And Saul saying, Hey, nobody’s told me, but there, David is lying in wait to get me as at this day.” Then answered Doeg the Edomite.
It’s very interesting. Bible college teacher in college, he really taught on Doeg the Edomite. He would call the back guys, whoever they were, “Doegs.” And so it just became the thing around the college campus for all the time pretty much. You know, you want to talk about, “Oh, he’s a Doeg. He’s an Edomite.” Doeg the—that’s Doeg. “Hey, Doeg, how you do it?” It was just a typical thing. You greet your friend in college: “Hey, Doeg, how you do it?” You know. Horrible guy here, Doeg. That’s what I remembered, though.
Then answered Doeg the Edomite, which was set over the servants of Saul, and said, “I saw the son of Jesse come to Nob, that’s the city of priests there, to Ahimelech the son of Ahitub, and he inquired of the Lord for him and gave him victuals and gave him a sword of Goliath the Philistine.”
Then the king sent to call Ahimelech the priest, the son of Ahitub, and all his father’s house, and the priests that were in Nob. They came all of them to the king, and Saul said, “Hear now, O son of Ahitub.” And he answered, “Here am I, my lord.” And Saul said to him, “Why have you conspired against me? Thou and the son of Jesse, and that thou hast given him bread and a sword and hast inquired of God for him, that he should rise against me to lie in wait as at this day?”
Then Ahimelech answered the king and said, “And who is so faithful among all thy servants as David, which is the king’s son-in-law? And goeth at thy bidding and is honorable in thine house. Did I then begin to inquire of God for him? Be it far from me! Let not the king impute anything unto his servant, nor to all the house of my father, for thy servant knew nothing of all this, less or more.”
Very interesting. He knew even his family was in danger. And the king said, “Thou shalt surely die, Ahimelech, thou and all thy father’s house.” And the king said unto his footmen that stood about him, “Turn and slay the priests of the Lord, because their hand also is with David, and because they knew when he fled, he did not show it to me.” But the servants of the king would not put forth their hand to fall upon the priests of the Lord.
And the king said to Doeg, “Turn thou and fall upon the priests.” And Doeg the Edomite turned, and he fell upon the priests and slew that day fourscore—that’s 80 and five persons that did wear linen ephod. And Nob, the city of the priests, smote he with the edge of the sword, both men and women, children, sucklings, and oxen, and asses, and sheep with the edge of the sword.
Such a sad thing. Just a couple things about it. Saul now is to the point that he’s killing the priests, their family, and there’s basically this city there. But I want you to notice this: Saul was a capable man, head and shoulders above the rest, right? Probably a big old muscular fellow, you know. He could have—he could have killed one of those priests. His servants wouldn’t do it. Saul was very capable of doing it.
But narcissistic people usually don’t do the dirty work. They usually get someone else to do it for them. By the way, there’s always someone around that will do it. And Doeg was that guy. But usually these types of people, they’re always trying to get someone else to do the work, the dirty work, that is. By the way, they’re often leaders, and they’re good at getting other people to do what they want those people to do. They use that for the Lord and for good and right; they’re using it for themselves.
Such a sad thing. Let me say this about them: they don’t mind hurting people. Can you imagine? These are the priests, the Lord’s—they’re linen ephods. These are God’s people, God’s men. And there’s so much—they just don’t have empathy often. They don’t have feelings. They don’t hurt for other people. They just have no feelings. It’s all about them. And you think, “How in the world could they do that?” It’s sometimes amazing when you deal with people like this. They just don’t mind hurting other people. Sometimes it’s their children; sometimes it’s their parents. And sometimes you just shake your head: How could that happen? They just don’t mind having people hurt for personal gain and to do it the wound.
Often that other day and time it’s not necessarily physical pain per se; they’re not going to be killing someone, but it’s sometimes emotional abuse, often very much bullying type. If they have an issue with you, they’re typically not going to just go talk to you. They’re going to try to gain people to go against you. See? And they’re very much about pulling everyone in on their side and getting anybody, and then they’ll go against. It’s just typical. And they’ll get someone else to do their dirty work, see. And that’s exactly what Saul is doing here.
And such a sad thing that the people of God, the priests, by the people who usually don’t like to stand up to them. They’re very persuasive. All these servants around there, they would not kill the priests, but they didn’t stand against Saul when the priests were getting killed. And maybe sometimes you’ve seen them hurt too much, and they’ve got a little fear of them, and so, you know, they don’t stand up. They’re very often, very much bullish and very opinionated and get people on their side to push their cause, so you don’t want to go against them. It’s a sad thing. These men just let the priests of God—up to this point, Saul’s service has been good, men—but now they didn’t stand against the bully Saul, the narcissistic Saul. And they wouldn’t stand against him, and they were just afraid to do that.
And of course, Doeg the Edomite, he was there to do the dirty work. There’s always those people around that will follow someone in this cause. It’s amazing, but you’ll see it often. But they’re good at belittling people. So some just have a hard time going to get someone like that.
Let me just say a couple of things. We won’t be long tonight. I’m almost done, believe it or not. Brother John Casey smiles and says, “Yeah, we’ll see if that happens or not,” you know. But just a couple thoughts: how not to be a narcissist, how not to be that.
If you want to look more there, and I’ve said this often, the world and psychology and all that, they have no answers. God’s the answer, the Bible’s the answer, Jesus is the answer. But I will say they sometimes are good at observing and classifying, and they can kind of show you the problem. If it comes to the answer, Jesus is the answer, the cross is the answer. But maybe you want to say, maybe you want to go and find out—it’s according to who you talk to—seven signs or nine signs or 16 traits of a narcissist. You may be able to go there and find out, does any of them fit you or not?
But what is the answer to? Well, number one: being totally honest with yourself and with others. A narcissist never, never just seeks after the truth. You’ve got to be painstakingly honest about yourself. It’s amazing. Saul never would. Even when the man had gone, Samuel pointed out, “Hey, buddy, you’re wrong.” Saul always had an excuse. He never just said, “Hey, I’m wrong.”
I’m always amazed at David on the flip side. Honestly, if you look at it as far as sins—in some ways, as far as, I don’t know if “sins” is the right word, actually, things they did—in some ways David was much worse, committed adultery and murder, whatnot. Saul here, yes, he did commit murder, but Saul didn’t wait for Samuel long enough, and that’s when God said, “I’m taking the kingdom from you.” And then later on, he didn’t obey God and utterly kill all the Amalekites, and God said, “Again, it’s done.” But David, adultery and murder. And yet when the preacher came, Nathan, and he said, “Thou art the man,” to David, David said, “You’re right.”
Look over in Psalm 51, if you would please. Psalm 51, in verse number 6. Psalm 51, this is, of course, you’ll note, the repentant Psalm when David’s getting right with the Lord after his sin with Bathsheba and so on. I want you to notice this one verse. It is very interesting that God let David to write Psalm 51. Look in verse number 6. Psalm 51:6, “Behold, thou desirest truth in the inward parts.”
That means so many things. Jesus is the truth, the Word of God is truth, and just a plain, honest truth without error. “Behold, thou desirest truth in the inward parts, and the hidden part thou shalt make me to know wisdom.” See, when you get truth, you admit, and you face truth in the inward parts, then you start gaining wisdom to grow. “I need to change here. I’ve got some problems here.” When you face honestly the truth about your situation, wherever it may be, then you start seeing things. You start thinking, “Man, I got some wisdom, some discernment. I can start spotting things a little bit better now because I’ve been honest about my life and where I’ve been and where I’m at and what’s going on.” And you get truthful, you begin to grow; you get some wisdom. But if you’re not honest, if you’re trying to justify, you’re not going to grow.
I’ve said this before: if you’re not honest with yourself and with the Holy Spirit, you can justify murder. We see it here, and we’ve seen it many times in our day and time. You can justify murder in the name of religion. It happens in our day and time a whole lot. So truth—honesty is just, “I’ve got to be honest with myself in the situation,” and I can’t just see things from my viewpoint; I’ve got to be searching for truth. Saul wasn’t honest about this situation. For narcissists, facts don’t matter a whole lot; their feelings are what matter to them. See? And you’ve got to get truth in there.
How not to be—truth. You’ve got to be just painstakingly honest with yourself. Then just two things more: Get close to God. You see, when you get close to God, you’ll start seeing more of yourself.
How many times—it seems like here lately it’s been happening a lot—I’ll go to the closet. It’s a little bit darker in there. It has a light in there, but, you know, I’ll pull that shirt up. Man, it looks good. And usually my wife does, but sometimes I’ll take it over to the ironing board, you know, and I’ll start ironing that thing, and I’ll say, “Oh, man, it’s in the light now. There’s a spot on that shirt.” Oh, and I’ll go get another shirt in there in the closet, a little dark. Man, it looks great. You bring it out the light—another spot, you know.
My wife’s like, “Well, you’ve got to put it in the laundry; you’ve got to put the dirty thing for me to wash it,” you know. And, “Well, it didn’t smell; you know, it’s a little clean,” you know. Miss Stacy’s shaking her head, “No,” on that. I tell you what about that guy? Do you hear the same thing? Everyone’s my brother, Marla. Come on now.
Imagine, get your shirt out in the light, and you see those flaws. And when you get close to the Lord, you don’t go around thinking, “Man, look at me.” You go around like Isaiah did when he saw the Lord high lifted up in Isaiah 6. And the first thing he said, “Woe is me.”
Now, when you really get close to God, it’s not pointed: “Look at it. Look at all that. Look at me. I got problems.” You get close to God and you get in the light. To have fellowship with God, you don’t have to be perfect because nobody has fellowship with him then, according to 1 John. To get close to the Lord, you’ve got to walk in the light. That means you see problems and you confess it. There are flaws and flaws and flaws. You’ve got to walk in the light. See, what we don’t want to run for the light because we don’t care about the truth; we just care about our feelings. But no, I’ve got to walk in the light. See?
So how not to be a narcissistic person: Be totally honest about yourself and with situations with the Holy Spirit. Number two: You get close to the Lord; you get close to the Lord, and then it will start showing up left and right: “Oh, man, I got problems.” By the way, when you get close to the Lord and those sins start coming up, but then you get closer, you feel His love more. “Hey, God loves me in spite of me.” “Lord, I want to run and get away and get in the dark so I don’t look so bad.” He says, “No, I want you over here. I love you. I want you close to me. I provided forgiveness by the shed blood of Jesus. Don’t leave me; stay over here close to me.”
That’s part of it. “Draw nigh to God, and he will draw nigh to you.” Cleanse your hands, you sinners, and purify your heart, you double-minded. God didn’t want you to stay away; He wants you to stay close to Him.
Then the last thing on how not to be narcissistic is just start loving others. And by the way, you start getting close to God, and you’ll start gaining love for others—charity, if you will. It becomes less about us and more about the Lord. The Lord will direct your heart to His heart. His heartbeat is for the world, for God so loved… And you just start loving others and caring about them, concerned about them, focused on them.
Now, one more thing. You’re right, Brother John. We’ve got a few more minutes here. But how to deal with a narcissist? Just two faults here: how to deal with someone like this.
Can I say this? And not always can this be true in your life, but David got away from this person. David thought, “I’m going to get hurt and going to get killed.” David got away from them. Now, sometimes you can’t, and that’s not the right thing for you. I’m not saying always. But I’m just saying the way David handled it and the situation is, David said, “I better get out of Dodge.” And sometimes, whether it be at work or somewhere, school, or wherever it may be, I just need to avoid that. I’m going to get hurt there, and I’m going to avoid that situation, that person. Now, not always is that the right thing to do, but for David in this situation, it was. That’s what David did. He just got out of Dodge and avoided this person.
And then let me say this: David let God deal with it. David didn’t—David didn’t—he wasn’t conspiring against Saul. David didn’t say, “Well, that guy is totally about himself, big old selfish guy; he’s supposed to be about the people.” He didn’t do all that. He let God deal with Saul.
We’ll talk about it, but David had opportunities to kill Saul. He could have killed him more than once, and he had other people saying, “I’ll do the dirty work, David.” And David said, “No, man, let God take care of him right there.” God did in His time. And David, David could walk away without blood on his hands, still right with God, still have God’s blessing on him. In the end, God said, “Now, David, you’ve learned a lot of lessons. I can move you up to be king now,” you know, and he did until he died. He’s a great king. But David let God deal with it. And, oh, friend, we’ve talked about a lot, but just God can handle things so much better than you and I.
Now, I don’t know where you’re at on this. Maybe you say, “I need to work at some things. I can get pretty self-centered. It could be all about me, and what everybody says, how is everybody treating me, and what others are saying about me, and how they make me feel.” And I can be manipulative. I can be manipulative, and I can lead everyone to go against. I can be a little bullish and belittling people. Maybe that’s you. I don’t know.
Maybe you say, “I need to learn how to deal with it, and I need to learn from David.” Maybe you say, “I see someone I love, and I see a lot of character traits of this in their life.” Not being judgmental, but maybe you just need to pray for them. Ask God to change their heart. God’s an amazing heart changer; He’s a heart doctor. And maybe we just need to bring them to the Lord over and again in the prayer closet, get a hold of their heart.
I’m going to lead us in a prayer, and they don’t give us some time just to go to the Lord and seek the Lord and ask the Lord to work in your hearts. Could I have you stand, if you would, please, and we’re going to have a word of prayer. And then our instruments will play. Let’s just spend some time. Lord, am I there? By the way, if I’m not there, I wouldn’t be afraid to pray, “Lord, do I have some of these traits in my life?” The way not to have these traits in your life is, “Lord, show me, do I have these traits in my life?” Lord, maybe I need to get close to You and need to get Your love, Your care for others, and need to be totally honest. Maybe I need to leave a situation alone, let You deal with it. Whatever, would you let the Lord work in your heart?
Father, thank You for showing us about Saul, Lord. Help us not to go down that path. Lord, maybe even tonight You can speak to our hearts about this thing. Maybe just the one thing in one of our hearts, Lord, my heart. Lord, let us grow. Let us not go down that path. Lord, help folks that are dealing with situations. And maybe You’re leading them to deal as David did, just avoid it. Maybe, Lord, they have to do what David did and just, “All right, Lord, I’m going to put them in Your hands.” Speak to all of us tonight during this few minutes. Father, please. Well, thank You, Lord, for what You do. In Jesus’ name we pray. Amen.
Original File: ＂Saul the Narcissist＂ Pastor Chisgar [t8Vzs6NGndM]